Can you hide your child's gender?

A Toronto couple has decided not to reveal the gender of their baby.

Kathy Witterick and David Stocker are intentionally raising a genderless child in hopes of freeing them from social norms, so that they can choose to be whoever they would like to be.

Storm, born on New Year's Day, has two older brothers — Jazz, 5, and Kio, 2 — whose genders are known, but who have been encouraged by their parents to feel free to make their own choices, gender irrelevant. Both boys wear clothing that is traditional associated with girls — sparkly pants, tutus — and Jazz chose to be home-schooled when he was uncomfortable the traditional school atmosphere (and its reaction to his female clothing).

“What we noticed is that parents make so many choices for their children. It’s obnoxious,” says Stocker. I find this quote a little ironic, because it seems as though these parents have made a pretty critical choice about their child's identity.

I appreciate where the parents' heads are at, but I don't agree with their decision. I think that they are imposing their own political values and social goals on their child in a way that may make life more difficult, unfairly so. Like Diane Ehrensaft, a California-based psychologist, I worry that they will unintentionally marginalize Storm.

Depending on how long Storm's gender is kept a secret, they may be subjected to unfair treatment at school by their peers. While even the most "normal" child can get bullied, intentionally creating a situation in which they are different from other children may be unfair. If the child grows up on wants to reject standard gender identifiers, that's one thing, but to impose that value on a baby seems a bit unreasonable.

As Jezebel rightly points out, Witterick and Stock made the gender of their child more of an issue, not less. If they really wanted their child to be who they really are, why don't they disclose the gender and let them be free to dress however they like, like the older boys? Why this need to keep it a secret?

At the end of the day, it's really not our business and much of the media's reaction to this story is out of fear for the "other," for people who don't identify as male or female. It's trumped up and reactionary.

If the child decides on their own that they want to be gender neutral, then that is fine by me. In the mean time, our society is not nearly as progressive as we like to think it is and that's quite a statement to put on such a young person.

Monday's Show - Baby Fever

Join us on Monday night for our show on Baby Fever, which is an overwhelming feeling or desire to have children that many women experience. If your womb has ever ached upon holding a baby or playing with young children, then you know all about Baby Fever. Most women get it at some point in their lives - usually the feelings grow stronger as a women ages from her early twenties to mid thirties. However, women can experience Baby Fever at any time: some women know from a very young age that they want to be mothers, and others don't realize it until they're in their 40's - or later. Of course, it is also completely natural for some women to never experience this feeling or have a desire to procreate.

We'll be discussing some of the reasons why most women experience Baby Fever, the big decision that many women struggle with (to have children or not?), and one of the most challenging questions for feminists: can women really have it all (a partner, a fabulous career and children)?

Tune in on Monday December 14 from 8:30 to 9:00 pm (MST) on CJSW 90.9 fm. You can also listen to our program online at www.cjsw.com.

"Daddy Boom" in Germany

Fathers Day is coming up very shortly and in honor of all the fantastic Dads out there, I thought I'd post this short video documentary I discovered over at Current last year. It's about the apparent Daddy Boom in Germany where more men than ever before are taking on the stay-at-home parent role while women become the primary breadwinners in what are otherwise traditional families. In the video (posted below), two men are asked to talk about their experiences as stay-at-home dads and how this phenomenon of at-home daddies will shape the future of Germans.

I think the Daddy Boom in Germany says a lot about culture and all of its variables; many of us are used to women almost automatically being assigned the role of primary caregivers. Seeing men in this role is always a nice reminder to all of us - whether we're already comfortable with the idea or not - that men are capable of taking on this role and are likely to do it well with the right kind of social support.